Being away from home for such a long period of time is really hard, and not just for eight year olds who are shipped off to summer camp for two months. Studying abroad has been extremely trying, but at least I have Netflix to cheer me up. I used to have hola downloaded on my computer so I could access my American Netflix account, but after finding out that it hacked and broke my friend’s account, I uninstalled it immediately. Fortunately, Spanish Netflix has exactly what I need to keep me from spiraling into a deep depression: Fuller House. Unfortunately, not everyone thinks as highly as I do of the Full House reprisal:
Longtime heartthrob and Grandfathered star John Stamos joined Seth Meyers on his late night show to read harsh critic reviews on the premier of Netflix’s Fuller House, none of which had any mercy.
“It’s doubtful that there will be a more painful 2016 TV episode than the Fuller House pilot,” wrote Daniel Feinberg from the Hollywood Reporter.
“How fucking rude!” replied an appalled Uncle Jesse.
Like Donald Trump’s presidential campaign, the Full House reboot is either dearly beloved or strongly detested. With the exception of Michelle Tanner, all the familiar characters from the show’s predecessor appear on the pilot; so what makes the sequel so terrible?
“There’s a point where nostalgia becomes more like necrophilia, and Fuller House immediately crosses that line,” read Meyers from a Washington Post review.
While comparing the reprise to having sexual intercourse with corpses might be a little dramatic, there’s no question that Fuller House has disappointed fans with its cheesy acting, annoying laugh track, and obsession with following a predictable storyline for every episode that ends with a hug and a moral lesson.
“Fuller House is like a porn parody without the porn,” the A.V. Club wrote.
Stamos shared that there is in fact a newly released porn parody called “Full Holes” that he claimed, or jokingly claimed, to have binged watched 40 times. “It’s really specific with the catchphrases, I think there’s a lawsuit…” said Stamos.
If the parody is as good as Uncle Jesse claims it is than perhaps the portion of the audience that grew up watching Full House in the 90’s should ditch Netflix and get their Tanner fill on Pornhub.
The problem with creating a sequel to a series that was the foundation of many young adults’ childhoods is that while the fans grew up and matured, Fuller House didn’t. Kimmy Gibbler’s state of mind is stuck in the ‘90s, as is her choice of clothing; DJ Tanner-Fuller returns as the sweet faced girl-next-door we cherished; Uncle Joey is still a child in a man’s body; Uncle Joey and Aunt Becky are as hot and madly in love as they were 20 years before; Stephanie Tanner turned out to be as rambunctious as her tween self foreshadowed, and Danny Tanner still gets turned on by cleaning supplies.
Stamos and Meyers laughed as they read the last and best review from the New York Times, “The series begins as a sitcom family reunion. It becomes a self-conscious, dated and maudlin reminder of the ceaseless march of time and your inevitable demise.”
Despite America’s rejection of the long awaited reprisal of a once beloved TV show, Netflix signed Fuller House for a second season.